So its almost March, I cant believe it! Where has the time gone? Lets catch up, shall we?
So this past Saturday I took my CPC state board exam. I have a good feeling but Im still super anxious while I wait for the results. The past few weeks I have been through hell preparing for this damn test. Its the biggest test Ive ever taken in my life. Ive had panic attacks, Ive lashed out at friends for no reason at all (well, at the time I had a reason, an illogical and emotional one, just because I was stressed). But all in all I have a good feeling I passed. I took my time and really focused on every single question. I had 5 hours and 40 minutes to answer 150 questions and I finished with five minutes left.
And of course the days leading up to the exam, my cat, Buuber, got sick. He couldnt pee and we had to take him to the vet where he stayed for three days. Poor baby. Hes doing better now but hes still doped up and being watched closely.
And on top of all that, Ive been dealing with family drama. My brother-in-laws’ on again off again girlfriend is pregnant with his baby…again. First of all, my brother-in-law, is a waste of space. He is a drug addict and he sleeps on a beanbag in our loft because he has no job, no ambition, and nowhere else to go and his grandma makes him her charity case. His girlfriend isnt much better, though she does hold down a job.
Heres my problem with that: We have been trying to conceive for over a year now. We are mentally, emotionally, and most importantly – financially stable enough to have a child. We want one and are doing everything we can to make that happen. And Im throwing a tantrum because its not fair that couples like my husband and I who want this so bad and who can take on the responsibilities of reproducing have to seek medical treatment for just a possibility of conceiving, and then these lazy drug users get pregnant on accident. And even after previously aborting her first pregnancy with him because she ‘couldnt see him as a fit father’ and she ‘didnt want to raise a baby with him’, she decided to keep it this time.
So Im upset, bitter, and jealous. Its not fair and it sucks even more because its happening under my roof and being thrown in my face. These next 30 something weeks are going to be hell and I am NOT prepared. And because of all of the combined stress, my diet has failed. Or I have failed my diet. Yeah…that one. Im shoveling food in my face trying to bury my feelings. The only good thing is that I have been walking a lot more lately with my dear friend. So thats helping stave off the weight gain.
I guess now is the time for the fertility update: I am going to be scheduling an HSG procedure (Hysterosalpingogram) after my next cycle or so. Basically its where contrast gets shot up through my uterus to see if my remaining tube is blocked. In 2007 I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured and my right tube and ovary was removed. So this test will see if I can still conceive with the remaining parts I have left. Im taking prenatals and my husband is taking vitamins as well. We are hopeful this test will be the last stop on our road to a baby, but well just have to take things day by day.
So for now, I wait. I do laundry and take care of my fur baby and hang out with friends until my exam results come in. From there, Ill have a 160-240 hour externship before hopefully landing a job. All the while enjoying my husbands love and support as we carry on, hand in hand through our journey of this beautiful life.