Starting Over

Do overs are a thing, right? Yeah, I think so. Lets do that. Lets just pretend this is my first post and Im super excited to tell you about my latest diet plan. Except, Im not really all that excited. Im cautious, and skeptical. And honestly, kind of defeated.

Let me back track here for a second. So late February I took me state boards… and failed with a 68%, and I needed a 70 to pass. So I almost passed, or barely failed? Fuck it, Whatever. Now, the AAPC gives everyone one free retake because the majority of people DO end up failing the first time. I thought knowing that would help but I still felt kicked down. Anywho… Im retaking the exam on April 8th, which is in like two weeks (No pressure, right?). Ive been studying like mad and have researched all the tips and tricks I can for attacking this bitch of a test again. Fingers crossed.

So because of that (among other things), Ive fallen into a depression. Its a high functioning, yet silent depression; Im able to still make and laugh at jokes, have a sweet date night with the hubby, and occasionally go out and have a nice time with my family. But its like I have this cloud above me all the time; occasionally its raining so hard I cant move, but most of the time its just there, quietly looming over my head. I have hermitted myself up in my room and do pretty much nothing but study, laundry, watch Netflix, and study.

Ill find out if I passed or not on my momsĀ death-aversary (thats a thing right?). She passed away, very suddenly, four years ago on the 13th of AprilĀ and I still have to hold myself back from calling her and telling her whats going on. We were very close and to be completely honest, extremely emotionally codependant of one another. It was a tumultuous relationship to say the least, but at the end of the day, she was my best friend and I miss her fiercely.

Well that was fun right? All depressing and shit. Shall we move on to the exciting new diet part? Ok cool. Its not that exciting because Ive done this before. Its Atkins – No carbs. No sugar. No joy, basically. Well I cant really say no joy because my husband is one hell of a chef and he can make me forget Im eating a dinner that has very little to no carbs. He cant, however, make me forget that I cant have ice cream or chocolate. To say that sugar is my weakness is an understatement.

Ive done Atkins in the past and have seen results (40 lbs loss). I want this to be the last time I do this, but like I said earlier, Im skeptical. Its so much easier when my husband does the diet with me, which he is. So at least I have that. For now.

The first three or four days of the diet are the hardest. The body goes from burning carbs for energy to burning fat. So as my body loses the carb intake and makes the switch, my energy is depleted, I get headaches, and just generally feel like absolute dog shit. But after that, I feel awesome. I have what seems like endless energy, I sleep fantastic, and feel great. Better than I do eating processed foods with a shit ton of carbs. Shocker, I know!

So today is day one. My weight is 309.6 lbs and I am a very hangry hippo. But I got this. Ok, no I dont, but Im gonna got this.

Until next time. Keep on trucking. And Ill do the same.